It took me breaking your heart...

So I think the for those of you who can't already tell... I am a total insomniac. My brain goes absolutely wild at night, and at times it drives me nuts. Other times I marinate in then insomniac that is my muse. Tonight however; I feel I am going to go insane. As previously written I'm feeling a bit left out at the moment. I hate to sound whinny because in fact this is all my fault... none the less I feel what I feel. Tonight I've realized exactly how much I truly do love "you". I look at your picture and my stomach does flippty doos. It's the worst when I'm in the car and I drive past places we used to hang out. I think about all the times we gathered whatever change we had, turned it into coin star, and then spent it on fast food for me; or the time you brought me ice cream out of the blue because you knew I wanted it; all the times you did things for me just because. I never said thank you... It took me breaking your heart; to realize how much I loved you.
I miss my pillow palaces, your laugh, your scruffy face, your devoted, unquestioning love, your hugs, your kisses. I miss your quirky family, the boys, the dog, your lap. Anything and everything I could of done wrong I did. I still remember the first time I saw you 5 years ago... you were walking down the hall when she pointed you out.
"dibs" I shouted.
It took almost 3 years for us to actually work up the courage to love each other. Our first kiss in your basement, Underworld... Remember?
I left for Hawaii two days later, and though I'll never admit it to you... I thought of nothing but you! You were with me when my grandpa died, when Adam died, when Xander died, when I was sick, or sad. Anything I wanted I found in you.



I'm sorry I never returned the favor.
I love you always.
Your Bear.