My Graveryard (a poem)

My Graveyard

Shallow graves scattered across the field
Filled with souls laden with the sins of their lives
I walk between the unlabeled mounds
Stopping only to offer a short prayer that their morrow may be brighter then today
The fog creeps in and I am left to wander in the dark
While I am not afraid
I need not stay longer then I have
Walking among ghost offers nothing but regret
And unlike the cold bodies in the ground
I surge with warm blood in my veins
Though the fog is dense I push my way through
When at last I see light
I glance back at the darkened path once more
I am sad to leave the memories,
But my time to move on has come
One last prayer is said for the souls I leave behind
May your morrow be brighter then today
May your path be ever changed
May you walk in the light of a brand new sun
May your memories ever live on
One last glance and one more step
My time to leave at last
The sun lights my new path
My skin is warm
And I’ve never felt so alive

Coffee shops vs DMV's

Okay just a couple quick thoughts:
1. I hate the DMV it smells of feet and wet dog!
2. I love the smell of coffee shops much more then I like the smell of the DMV.
3. I now have the ugliest drivers license picture in the world (and I'm dang proud of it!)
4. Standing at the DMV the day after a concert is a very bad idea.
5. The DMV doesn't think people under 5'5 drive cars cause I couldn't see over the counter worth shit!!!
6. The new kid working at the coffee shop I go to is drop dead gorgeous!!! Though with my luck will either fall madly in love with Esther when she gets here or is gay! I'm hoping for the latter!

ha ha it's been an interesting day so far. I think I'm gunna go to 8o's night which is always a blast! I always get dressed up and sadly know every song they play lol :P

OH and here's an update on the Josh situation. He no lie told me he felt it was easier to just not talk to me then try to work through our shit. So I said so long farewell because anyone that immature is not worth my time and effort!

Hopefully my day continues down the right path! I'll let you know!

Loves and Laughs,
Mosley

I may be metal, but my body isn't!

Well tonight was a blast!!! And a much needed anger outlet might I add. So I believe karma is showing me that if I try to change good things will most assuredly happen. I woke up early today 7:30, ok well 7:40 I hit the snooze button once, and I took my sister to school, got ready, ate breakfast, AND got to school on time. Which ended up being pointless because in my first class my teacher never showed up, and my second class got canceled. So I headed home when I got a message from my old friend Oliver I mentioned a while back, and he actually had an extra ticket for a concert with Devil Wears Prada! Okay so I couldn't be more stoked. I am a metal chick through and through! I was raised on Metallica, Def Lepard, Ozzy, all those fun guys and of course it's only natural for me to progress into mine own skin which led me to the great and honorable Hardcore/grindcore metal or as my mom so lightly puts it ... puke music. She thinks it sounds like they are puking but I think it sounds like art.
So tonights show featured The Devil Wears Prada, A Day to Remember, Sky Eats Airplane, and Emarosa! Holy shit did I have a blast. However; if you ever are feeling a need to taste mortality may I suggest one of these shows. I swear to god I almost died about 20 times. If it wasn't the elbows to the face, it was the shoes to the head for crowd surfers... I'm sure this sounds absolutely crazy to some, but let me tell you the power boost you feel when you deck a 6'2 dumb ass white boy who thinks he's the shit square in the jaw. I'm sure people think that's awful, but I think it's a healthy outlet for my pent up anger. Instead of punching a whole through a wall, or drinking the pain away I go to metal shows where people willingly participate in painful activities!!!
Call me crazy, but I think it's fun! It's also a great way to just forget about everything. I just spent the last for hours screaming my head off to music I love, and I didn't once think about the stupid boys, or my parents, bills, nothing!!!! It was totally and completely worth it!
Me after a concert! Not pretty!!!!--->

loves and laughs,

mosley

It took me breaking your heart...

So I think the for those of you who can't already tell... I am a total insomniac. My brain goes absolutely wild at night, and at times it drives me nuts. Other times I marinate in then insomniac that is my muse. Tonight however; I feel I am going to go insane. As previously written I'm feeling a bit left out at the moment. I hate to sound whinny because in fact this is all my fault... none the less I feel what I feel. Tonight I've realized exactly how much I truly do love "you". I look at your picture and my stomach does flippty doos. It's the worst when I'm in the car and I drive past places we used to hang out. I think about all the times we gathered whatever change we had, turned it into coin star, and then spent it on fast food for me; or the time you brought me ice cream out of the blue because you knew I wanted it; all the times you did things for me just because. I never said thank you... It took me breaking your heart; to realize how much I loved you.
I miss my pillow palaces, your laugh, your scruffy face, your devoted, unquestioning love, your hugs, your kisses. I miss your quirky family, the boys, the dog, your lap. Anything and everything I could of done wrong I did. I still remember the first time I saw you 5 years ago... you were walking down the hall when she pointed you out.
"dibs" I shouted.
It took almost 3 years for us to actually work up the courage to love each other. Our first kiss in your basement, Underworld... Remember?
I left for Hawaii two days later, and though I'll never admit it to you... I thought of nothing but you! You were with me when my grandpa died, when Adam died, when Xander died, when I was sick, or sad. Anything I wanted I found in you.



I'm sorry I never returned the favor.
I love you always.
Your Bear.

Turning over a new leaf

So let me start off by saying the show Toddlers and Tiaras is scary!!!


Okay got that out of the way. So today was a pretty tame day... I have yet to talk to my Dad, but my mom and I had a long conversation about where I'm going, and what I need to do. I may not always recognize it, or say it out loud, but my parents do a lot for me. Even though they drive me absolutely crazy.


I'll be honest though the troubles with my parents are the last things on my mind. It seems my past is catching up with me. Every time I log on to Myspace, or Facebook there are pictures posted up of my old friends, and their new friends with their new parties. It seems that the reasons I left are pretty pointless now. It hurts to see them forgetting about me, moving on and enjoying life. Where as I just feel stuck. I have friends, but we're not nearly as close as I was with my old ones. I left to gain independence and have fun, which isn't working out to well so far.


I have high hopes though I've decided to move into the dorms at Dixie which means I leave in August. I'm hoping this will give me the chance to make new friends, as well as focus on school. I have to make a lot of changes though so I sat down today and made a list of things that need to change:


#1 Do better in School
#2 Get Organized
#3 Lose Weight
#4 Get a Job/ Save Money
#5 Start taking care of myself i.e. getting ready for bed, eating healthier, etc.
#6 Go to bed/Wake up earlier
I'm hoping that I can start being healthier mentally, emotionally, and physically, because once I'm 3 and half hours away I wont have my parents to fall back on!
I'm hoping to get a job in the next two weeks, and start saving money, and quick!!! I'm sure I'll take a couple summer courses even if their just online.


Above anything I've gotta stop watching TLC I always just feel crappy after the shows...right now I'm watching "The Lottery Changed My Life" ... wish I could say the same!!!


Loves and Laughs,
Mosley

Really Dad?

Today was an interesting day. I woke up late for school...again. I had only missed my first class and had every intention of going to my second class, but on my way to the bathroom I saw a giant cardboard box with a note attached to it that had my name on it. Confused and curious I opened it... inside it read:


Morgan,
We are going to need to talk today when I get home, but before that there is action that needs to be taken. When you most recently asked if you could move back into the house Mom and I agreed (I didn't asked they did) but it was based on certain conditions- conditions that are not currently being met. You have asked us to treat you as an adult, so these are the consequences of being an adult.

When you moved back in your end of the bargain was to obey curfew (my mom said I didn't have a curfew as long as I let her know where I was), to do your part around the house, and take care of your car. We both know that hasn't happened. Morgan the fact is I'm tired of spending time to get you to do what you have promised to do. So TODAY, I need you to either take care of the things you have already promised to do such as:

Clean your room-get ALL of the junk out of there and take care of your dishes (this doesn't mean to put them in the sink for someone else to do. Be a grown up and do them yourself) First off there are no dishes in my room and the ones the were in my room are now in the dish washer... hmm odd... and unless my bed, dresser and clothes constitute as junk... I'm not too sure what he's talking about.

Clean the entire bathroom not just clean off the counter. The bathroom has now been cleaned twice this weekend though he doesn't believe me. It's crystal clean and smells of citrus and bleach I assure you.

Get your car licensed. I left him 150 dollars on his desk two weeks ago for just that purpose wtf did it go???

Get your drivers license. Ok this I admit I've been slacking on... you got me there dad.

Clean up your mess in the kitchen from last night. Aside from the obvious question of What mess? It's not mine I watched tv then went to bed...sorry if my dead skin cells on the couch bother you???

Here's where the cardboard box comes into play.
If you can't do this, then spend your time loading your things into this box.

Morgan, this is no joke, (No dad I thought this was parody on Whose Line Is It Anyway, no shit this isn't a joke) It is unacceptable for me to spend the time and effort to have to get you to do the things you have promised. I don't want to lose the relationship that I have with you, but I don't like the way it makes me feel to have to constantly ask you to do these things. Get ready here comes my favorite line!!! I really have started to resent having you here when you do your passive-aggressive (because writing me a later attached to a cardboard box definitely isn't passive-aggressive Hooray for my dad the master of hypocrisy) drama about taking care of the few things that are asked of you and I feel it is better for both of us, to have you find new living arrangements if you can't agree to follow through on the promises that you have made.

Love,

Dad



Now correct me if I'm wrong here but what sort of asshole writes this kind of bullshit letter then signs it "love dad". I'm sorry Dad, but if you don't remember correctly I quit my job for a damn good reason (my boss was doing drugs at work, super, I know). Now I don't know if you realize this Father, but no job equals no money, and what little money I have goes to paying off the car so your credit isn't affected. So excuse the hell out of me for not holding up "my end of my bargain."



Now in all fairness I don't always do my chores at 6 pm on Sunday night because I may have other things to do such as driving my brother and sister around, or trying to have what little life I can. So yes I apologize that I may get my chores done around 7 or 8. MY BAD.



The thing that bothers me most though is that he resents our relationship because the bathroom wasn't clean. How should I feel when my father judges our relationship based on the cleanliness of the house??? I'm at a loss on how to approach this... but I guess he's right it is better if I find "other living arrangements" though how I'm going to afford it I'm not quite sure yet. I hope to god this doesn't postpone my moving to St. George though I suppose everything happens for a reason... *insert crossed fingers here*.



My mom doesn't have much to say about this except for the good old we need to talk. She pretends to be on my side then lets me have it as soon as my guard is down.



Please don't get me wrong I assure you they have valid points but on the scale of good and evil when it comes to a daughter I'm pretty tame if you ask me. I don't come home completely sloshed every night, I do try to do well in school, though I struggle because my lack of direction in college is insane, I drive my brother and sister around, etc. etc. etc. I say, seeing as how I'm not in jail or close to it I'm doin pretty ok, but hey I'm only 19 what the hell do I know right???



All and all though I have found there are a few people out there who are concerned for my well being and I thank you truly and deeply from the bottom of my immature and naive heart! You know who you are, and if you don't please feel free to ask.



Hopefully things will turn out ok, and if anyone knows a quick way to earn cash let me know I feel as though I'll be needing it pretty soon here!


Loves and Laughs,

Mosley

The Start

Hey There! Okay so aside from the obvious first time blogger jitters I'm not to sure how to start this shindig off. I guess with the basics...
My names Morgan (obviously that picture is me!), but you can call me Mosley. I'm a full time half assed college student. Meaning, I am registered for 12 credit hours, though have a hard time dragging myself to school. I'm attempting to double major in psychology and sociology though as previously stated it's a bit half assed at the moment. Hopefully not for much longer! I'm attempting to move down to St. George to go to school. I'm hoping the change of environment will do me good. After drama moment after drama moment it's a much needed change! I have one cat who is my baby. His name is Gabe, and he's completely deaf, but we love him none the less! I'm hoping to get a dog once I move preferably and English bull dog named Steve. Gabe drinking my milk ----->

***I guess I should forewarn you that I am in no way trying to attempt a well published slash edited blog. I'm just enjoy a free moment spirit that I hope to continue! Okay moving on...

I'm a people person hand down...but not in the way you think. I'm absolutely fascinated by anything people: How they act, talk, walk, lie, interact, laugh. Anything that makes us tick. It is by far the most interesting thing...though what that says about me I'm not sure!

Okay I'm done with the monotony of this. I'd rather just get to the point...
So today is Easter/Passover/Etc. and while I'm in no way religious in fact I haven't attended church in over 3 years, but that's beside the point. Anyway okay so back to Easter. I spent they day with my family we had brunch at my Grandma's DELICIOUS! Then sped to my Dad's to hang out with my little brother for a while, then to the movies to see Monsters VS Aliens ( highly recommend by the way so funny.) This was all great and dandy, but all this time in the car led to lots of thinking, which in this case was not a good thing. I realize how naive this is but I spent the entire day thinking about my ex Josh. We didn't end well, but recently had a fling. I was hoping to talk with him, and try to work things out, but after kissing me he just bailed. Stopped talking to me, won't answer my calls, nothing. It's so frustrating. I get that we ended on a bad note, and I take most of the blame for that. I made bad choices, and I wasn't completely honest about how I was feeling. I didn't cheat, but I realize what I did was just as bad. We dated all through high school, and after graduation I pretty much moved in with him. I felt like I was suffocating, and I needed an out, but in the car today all I could think about was how much fun we had, and how truly bugged I am that he just bailed (and took all my "friends" with him). It also leaves me wondering about how much of this is missing him, and how much of it is out of pure curiosity of what exactly I did.
On top of all these wonderful what if flash backs I also got a visit from some old high school friends. We only talked for about 40 minutes, but it was a great talk. I'm hoping to spend more time with them, reconnect. One of them actually only lives about an hour away from where I'm moving, and it would be nice to know some people down there.
Aside from the chaos today turned out quite well. I love spending time with family especially when it's the whole lot of us. We laugh like crazy, and there's always good food.

So I'm very excited to continue this blog, but if you haven't noticed I haven't titled it yet. I'm hoping to get some help with that. Send me some suggestions and I'll post them up here to be voted on! Hopefully I can get enough readers for that!

Let me know!

Loves and Laughs,
Mosley